小心情

Little did I know
It would show

my vulnerabilities

my vanity

all out in the open
for all to see

I know who I am
more importantly

you know who I am

a little chip here

a crack over there

I'm not perfect

but I try to be

I know what I must work on

Happy that you held on

your faith in me oh so strong

it takes so little

to keep the grin

plastered on your face

it takes so little
to stem the flow
of the tears, you show

what we share

what we care

oh that's so rare

we shall work hand in hand

keep the fire burnin

keep our fingers crossed

and keep the faith going

that we're meant for each other

that we'll work together

hopefully, it'll last forever.

dedicated to "morepork", my love.

We share~

a love for cuteness

we laugh at the smallest thing

(and we hug at every available occasion!;p)

a sense of easy contentment

understand the need for frugality

a love for the written word

art, though in different forms

passion in the things we believe in

trust in each other

comprehend the importance of communication and discussion

realize that there is so much we don't know, and be willing to learn

and more importantly, we support the other in all things we don't (currently) share.

Ruru~ I love you!

Photography Composition

 

I hope you'll like this photo! Please feel free to comment! :-)

20 reasons why Ruru is the best girl there is! (2)

Reasons why I’m on cloud nine continued (sorry the previous one was rather self serving in nature...sigh)


2)She is someone I can always count on. Matters big or small, short or tall she'll be willing to help. It's just that I'm so used to self-reliance that I am embarassed to ask for anyone's help and will often decline her offer for fearing to trouble her. I guess sooner or later I must realise that 'troubling' is not the word that should be used as 'helping out' is what partners are for!

3)Whatever issue it is that I have she will listen, take her time to mull it over and will surprise me with mature constructive comments. I remember how I fretted about people littering right in front of me. I felt so useless without the authority or enough seniority to reprimand them. Even If I did tell them off they would either do it reluctantly or turn away without batting an eyelid. Taking 2 minutes to figure out the conundrum, she advises that I pick up the item the instant the person threw it and dispose of it properly whilst giving a pleading look at the person! –And this was even before we were together

4)She is an angel and a goddess in terms of anger management. Never has she ever thrown a childish tantrum. However we both have since learnt that keeping things inside till you're feeling calmer before confronting the source of the problem. (the recommended method)isn't always the best method...sometimes Its better to bring it out in the open rather than let it simmer just below the surface....especially so when when you're out on a day-long date! Harbouring unhappiness can really spoil your date.

5) She accepts me for who I am... Which is really a tall order considering all my queer queer quirkiness, my need for periods of solitude and my enigmatic personality, sometimes indecipherable even to myself.

6)She is super low maintenance haha- in terms of attention, emotionally, financially, but that doesn't mean that I will keep her to that low minimum! I will try my best......... I promise!!!

7) She is very nice to my parents. From my grandparents to my clinic’s nurse to my maid adore her to bits. Everytime I come back to Muar I will not be spared the question “where is Ruhui?”. Given the chance I guess the she can charm the whole neighbourhood. I can only hope I get the same reception at Ipoh!

8)She doesn’t get the monthly blues! In the event that she feels depressed then all that is needed is a tight hug and she’ll be just fine. Her thoughts wander more often during these times but I make sure I’m there to bring her back on track!

9)We have never and hopefully NEVER WILL drag a quarrel for more than a day. It's emotionally draining to maintain a 'cold war' and we have avoided that thus far.

10)We learn from each other- our hobbies and personalities entwine and merge. I’ve drilled environmental awareness into her and she’s driven cutesy-ness 3 inches into my head!

11)We pick-up silly gestures from each other- hand waving- Tusky Dancing, Zi.. Gerby… It’s time I created something silly too!

12) She is as thrifty as can be, and we don’t mind having bread meals on dates when we catch ourselves splurging the day before..

13)She is learning to be romantic, she is trying. Although not quite there yet :-P its her effort that matters the most! She’s graduated from my faculty of Romanticology and I’m so proud of her!

14)She may not be all I want her to be but then sometimes I wonder whether I’m turning her into GI JANE! I want her to be tough and resilient, adventurous and fearless, ignore the rain and sun and perform boyish feats… I’m asking too much, am I not?

15)She is willing to compromise on so many things. I simply just pale in comparison when it comes to give and take. Once again, I promise to change my ways!

16) Her talents are many!- Drawing cutesy cutesies from her imagination- she never fails to tickle my funny bone. That aside I admire her for her accomplishments even before I met her. Especially so when she hid the fact she has been won numerous drawing competitions before!

17)She has the kindest soul- seldom judgmental, always forgiving. And this nature of hers simply makes her wonderful to be with and she paints the world with a rosy hue, always optimistic about people and always believing that things will turn out just fine.

to be continued.....

Finger Lickin Good

Oh okay...If its finger licking good we have to lick it all the way to the elbow... (the dough stretched that far.)

It's been a long time since I done any backwood cooking since my scout days so Its fun to do it all over again! :-)

Well, in the scout badge USAHA, the qualifying criteria to pass back wood cooking is you need to get the fire burning with at most 3 match sticks. you get 10 points extra for each match unused. Well, This time, I failed my usaha badge.... three times over! Schucks...

Well. the ground was damp and the twigs were wet... coz it rained ytd... oh kk enough excuses... after half an hour of literally huffing and puffing we managed to get the fire going!!! Lighting up charcoal in an open space needs lotsa patience!

It was a messy affair with the dough though, using roughly 300g of "Key" brand flour,
1 egg probably of Leong Hup origin, half sachet of "Martin brand" yeast, mixed with a secret amount of water(the key to successful adherence to the barbecue stick which we learnt only too late..or in my case, remembered too late)--- we whipped up a bucket full of bread dough which grew 3 times its size in the half hour and sticked to everything it got in contact with.

Then its--
-"Stick, come meet dough"
-"dough, please meet stick"

Now the two of you meet FLAME!! Nyehahahaha..

Once its golden brown in colour we applied a think sheen of planta margerine and sprinkled sugar over it... And Despite our reservations..turned out to be extremely tasty!



Oh and not forgetting one special stick on which we melted a small square of cadbury chocolate on... that was heavenly!

Cleaning up the warzone was best left to tomorrow because we needed to meet Friends coming to town...

On our funny half year anniversary haha

We accidently ventured into The paddington house of pancakes!



Yup ordering was a headache. took me 20+ minutes before I settled for something



Order # 123- The appetizing dish (more appetizing than hers right?) that I ordered




order # xxx - (occured to me that it loooks like some sort of popiah)



Oh well lets preserve some photos before we dismember the innocent looking pancakes!

Happiness

It’s a roller coaster ride all the way these days... But all in all happy lah. Haha

I don’t know a lot of things...but then certain degrees of ignorance is bliss..ain’t it so always? :-D

I might lose sight of dear ol butterfly someday, I’m not sure If I’ll be prepared for that..psyching myself all the time now in preparation of that moment. But then I rest easy knowing she’ll be floating around in the air happy. Though I lose sight, but she’ll always be around. That I know. Maybe that should be good enough for me.

I’m almost 21 now lo. Gotta be insightful in everything and not bumble along anymore.

Aha.. stupid thoughts creeping in again. Will she mind me being younger? K la digress ni. :P Wait, wait..got consolation...My haggard looking face projects a much older age than reality, matching my mentality hor? :-P I know I know I’m childish, but that’s personality too. I can be Zen-like but what fun is there interacting with a piece of wood right? Like watching iron rust. :-P

So who am I looking for now?

Hmmm, someone who is charming, down to earth, grounded in reality but not afraid to dream. Someone who understands that I function independently most of the time, prefer life unfettered by constraints, free to roam and discover and to live this life the way It’s meant to be. Someone who also understands the other side of me, the little boy who likes to be pampered and cared for, having someone looking over my shoulder and shower hugs when I need them so.

Yet I’m eccentric and atypical as can be. Most would find me hard to comprehend and give up trying to do so when they bump into the wall I built around myself ever so often. Hopefully someone would be persistent enough to stay and find out.

Truthfully, my upbringing was as mundane as can be. Till now I can’t pinpoint what moulded me into who I am today. If you try to frame my mental picture, I’m assured the result would be a multiple-pseudopodia-ed amoeboa struggling upstream then downstream then suddenly hibernating in a cosy loft far far away. I’m chemotaxic, phototaxic, zoo-taxic, recently ‘entomo-taxic’ heh heh heh.

Don’t blame yourself if you don’t understand me. I don’t either. Most of the time I manage to keep myself sane tho... hehe. But really, I don’t know where my mixture of creative, artistic genes met its logic, scientific partner.

I have plenty of dreams...dreams I never mentioned to anyone. Whatever that was being mentioned in this blog before, that’s the tip of the iceberg. I’m so disappointed the one near to me for two years never even knew or tried to find out about them. Haha. What a waste. I’m slowly paving my way to them. Branching out my reach like twigs, I don’t know which I will be able to accomplish but I’m sure I’m gonna try my best to live them out!!!!

Back to who I’m looking for... Hmmm, I don’t have a set criteria really, even though I try hard to think of one, but then i’ll know when i know right? But then...ideally... one that can go into the kitchen and out into the hall(chinese)..cos I’ll be in the kitchen too! Then ideally...ideally lah... funny, cheerful, energizer bunny, caring,thoughtful, placing me first (cos if she places herself first then that there’ll be two of us caring for the same person),observant, mature, stable, thrifty,elegant,adventurous, tahan lasak, simple, easy-going, not ma-fan,a thinker, a reader,a listener,a gamer,...... wah....I’m very greedy leh... rupanya I quite picky one oh. Keke.

Hmmmm...Je ne sais quoi. That’s most important. :-D the x-factor.

Observation period. Hmmm. Maybe that’ll be my screening process. Another way to put it...time will tell hoh?

Small

When you look at the world...

And Have a close look at those around you

Does it make you feel so much smaller... and your problems insignificant against the backdrop of "the big picture"?

Still .... Despite trying to draw my attention away from me...

I guess... Its easier said than done.

Letting go of the butterfly... It really isn't that easy... cos instinct says you wanna hold it really tight...really tight...

But secretly you know... it doesn't belong to you. Probably won't be.

And you're affected by each flutter of each wings, the butterfly effect if you will... every little thing it does.. has such a profound effect on you... digging deep and tugging on your strings...

I don't wanna let go. I don't. I hate giving up without putting up a fight.

But I know I must. It's not going anywhere. All the probable scenarios... rewinding and replaying in my head.. it's just not healthy.

How do I let go gracefully? I guess... everything I wanna tell her... I can write it in a letter... addressed to myself... and when I open it a day later... I will find that all that is unecessary...All that urge released in a safe way...unknown to anyone...being less a burden to her...

I'm stupid eh? But hopefully I'll be happier this way.

Recently just reopened my Ji nian Che from the Form 6 days...And at least 4 of them left me the message... phrased in a different manner

"The world is cruel...learn how to protect yourself. Don't be so good to everyone, forgetting about yourself in the process"

Really... is it so? I am not so selfless. If I am... why doesn't karma leave me something to chew on? I guess as time goes by, I've learned to protect myself from unecessary hurt. Anything amiss.. and I'll step on the breaks and go into reverse gear. Someone felt it and questioned me why... and what can I say? That you did me wrong so I'm off? I'm sorry but It's better for me... and I've learned not to worry so much about 'you'...coz you'll manage whereas I won't.

Yes Yes I've managed to do the last part of my little advice...

wishing the best for dear ol butterfly.. I've always wished the best for her...but now it's time to do it sincerely. Someone asked me... what if someone snatched her off because you're letting butterfly fly and roam free? I REALLY DUN WANNA ANSWER THAT. If it really comes to that..I know Fate has a cruel sense of humour... It took so much just coming to where we are now... separations pointing us to this common point... and then now you wanna whisk her away? I have nothing to say...

Looking at her pics quietly...writing to myself..ranting in my blog...enjoy the bliss of ignorance...is all that I can do...