It's scary how people change sometimes...
We sometimes really really change you know, in a way you'd never expect
And the unfamiliarity of myself scares me..
I've changed...I didn't notice it till 2 or 3 frens started pointing it out o me.. is it that obvious? then why I'm so oblivious? (bad time to play with rhymes, I know...)
If so mnay people noticed.. that means my change is starting to affect others.. and I feel responsible
I... don't know how I am like half a year ago. I can't remember..
and I'm getting acquainted with the me of today.. who has been described as
1)innocent and naive
2)wears my heart on my sleeve
Innocent? Naive? Maybe so...cos I still believe in changing the world. But the loneliness is striking me more often now..and it's easy to get disillusioned...
Waering my heart on my sleeve? ??!!!
Never in my life would I picture myself as such.
I used to be the reticent/hermit type with the poker face people feel clueless about
Now poeple are telling me I show too much...
I was fingering the issue bit bit... but spiderman made me take a good, long look at it.
Is there something wrong with me?
My fuse has really grown short...I can't tolerate as much...
Maybe its because I've pent up all the frustration all this while...frustration about so many different things.. I know I have it easy compared to others.. but I feel so inadequate and useless so often, then people start to let me down .......then I start to let myself down
I used to be docile... I'd let people climb over my head and simply shelve the issue
I let people get away with point blank sarcasm at me
I'd take undue responsibilities and keep quiet
I'd receive uneccessary critisms and smile back.
I'd get stood up and I let things rest
But NOW I DON't. And I WON't.
Somehow I've had enough of being MR Nice Guy.
AS I'm typing this I feel a wave of anger rising up...but I don't know where it's from
Am I being assertive? Or IS it being plain aggressive?
Damn I don't know.
But I do know I'll no longer let issues get swept under the carpet.
I'll stand up and fight. No I won't give up without a fight.
Hopefully this me is a better me. I really don't want people to get hurt. Unless they deserve it.
........... seems I'm getting more cynical by the moment............