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Sunday, April 27, 2008


When you look at the world...

And Have a close look at those around you

Does it make you feel so much smaller... and your problems insignificant against the backdrop of "the big picture"?

Still .... Despite trying to draw my attention away from me...

I guess... Its easier said than done.

Letting go of the butterfly... It really isn't that easy... cos instinct says you wanna hold it really tight...really tight...

But secretly you know... it doesn't belong to you. Probably won't be.

And you're affected by each flutter of each wings, the butterfly effect if you will... every little thing it does.. has such a profound effect on you... digging deep and tugging on your strings...

I don't wanna let go. I don't. I hate giving up without putting up a fight.

But I know I must. It's not going anywhere. All the probable scenarios... rewinding and replaying in my head.. it's just not healthy.

How do I let go gracefully? I guess... everything I wanna tell her... I can write it in a letter... addressed to myself... and when I open it a day later... I will find that all that is unecessary...All that urge released in a safe way...unknown to anyone...being less a burden to her...

I'm stupid eh? But hopefully I'll be happier this way.

Recently just reopened my Ji nian Che from the Form 6 days...And at least 4 of them left me the message... phrased in a different manner

"The world is cruel...learn how to protect yourself. Don't be so good to everyone, forgetting about yourself in the process"

Really... is it so? I am not so selfless. If I am... why doesn't karma leave me something to chew on? I guess as time goes by, I've learned to protect myself from unecessary hurt. Anything amiss.. and I'll step on the breaks and go into reverse gear. Someone felt it and questioned me why... and what can I say? That you did me wrong so I'm off? I'm sorry but It's better for me... and I've learned not to worry so much about 'you'...coz you'll manage whereas I won't.

Yes Yes I've managed to do the last part of my little advice...

wishing the best for dear ol butterfly.. I've always wished the best for her...but now it's time to do it sincerely. Someone asked me... what if someone snatched her off because you're letting butterfly fly and roam free? I REALLY DUN WANNA ANSWER THAT. If it really comes to that..I know Fate has a cruel sense of humour... It took so much just coming to where we are now... separations pointing us to this common point... and then now you wanna whisk her away? I have nothing to say...

Looking at her pics quietly...writing to myself..ranting in my blog...enjoy the bliss of ignorance...is all that I can do...

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